Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My cat gives me a boner
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
