Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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