Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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