Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
