I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
