Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
