My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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