So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
