I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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