I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
