Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
