I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
