Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
