I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
