Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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