please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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