I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
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there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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