the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
