he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
