...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
