Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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