And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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