I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
