I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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