a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
