One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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