im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Someone shit on the floor
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize