yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
