we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
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