I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
