I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
