I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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