i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
