I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize