I've blown a few things in my day
my sisters under your porch take her home
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
