32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
