i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
