got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
