I'm eating all of the evidence.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
