Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
this hospital has no fireball
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
