i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
