i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
