My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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