so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
