Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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