Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
