I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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