nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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