theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
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low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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