beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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