this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
