Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
