Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
