A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize