Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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