marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
