I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
