He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
