shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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