where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
