We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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