now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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