he told me I talked like a deaf person
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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