I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
