Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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