Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
