Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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