fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
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his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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