I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
