I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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