so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
