my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I love having hate sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
