btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
