I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
