just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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