i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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