big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
