her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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