i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
