New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
